Good Parenting / Bad Parenting

There are days I feel that I am a good mom. I play with my children, we go to the park, we have picnics, I read with them, I let them help me with whatever I'm doing around the house, we paint each others' nails, etc. Then there are the days that I feel that I am such a bad mom. I have next to no patience, I don't get down and play with them, and I yell when they don't obey me.

Today was a good day.....until this evening. For the most part there were no tantrums, we painted nails, and went grocery shopping (which usually is a TERRIBLE experience these days, but actually went great today). Anyway, all was going well until it was time for bed. We did our normal routine of getting jammies on, each of the girls choosing a book and having me read them (Hannah is actually doing quite well with reading, so I read a book to Sydney, and then Hannah reads one to me. Of course being 3, she takes time doing it, and we don't get done with the books every night, but she's doing so great. I couldn't be more proud!!). Anyway, then comes the actual going to bed part. This is a terrible time of the day EVERYDAY. Hannah wants to sleep in our bed, which because Mitch is never home, we have given in and we allow her to, but she first has to fall asleep in her bed. Then when Mitch gets home, he tucks in Syd, and brings Hannah to our bed. I used to be completely and totally against "the family bed", but I guess opinions change. :) Anyway, she threw SUCH a HUGE tantrul tonight because she wanted to go to sleep in my bed. I told her no, and that if she asked again then Daddy wasn't going to bring her to our bed when he got home. She asked MANY more times, and I finally just had it. I started to yell at her and told her that if I had to go up there then she would get a spanking. I started counting, and when I started going upstairs after getting to 3, she was SCREAMING at the top of her lungs and stomping her feet, telling me no. I stopped and said, "Okay, go to bed then". She told me no again, so I kept going upstairs. I spanked her once and told her to go to bed. She was absolutely screaming and yelling no to me. I told her I was going to count to three and if she didn't go to bed then I would spank her again. This went on several times, and she never would go to bed. I picked her up and put her in bed, and she would just get right back out. Poor Sydney was in her crib just watching Hannah and me fight.

I feel so helpless in times like these. I have no idea what to do. I can't get Hannah to obey me when it comes to certain things, such as going to bed. I have tried everything. I talk nice to her, I bargain with her, I ground her, I yell at her, I do the corner thing, I spank her (I have only gone this far twice, one of which was tonight). I just don't know what to do. She finally fell asleep after our big blow-up, and after half an hour of screaming and crying after I gave up and went downstairs. I have decided there's no more sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed. I'm not sure how this is going to go in the middle of the night when she comes down and I end up bringing her back to her bed, but I think it's what needs to be done. I just don't know what else to do. I feel like the worst parent. I feel weak. I always told myself that I would never spank my kids, and here I am resorting to that. I wish I had more self-control and understanding of what to do when Hannah acts up.

On the brigher side, Sydney went poo poo in the potty today! She even had on a diaper, as it was right before going to bed, and still told me she needed to go. I am so proud! I feel as if I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!! :)