Probably a c-section

So, when I was at my parent's house for Christmas, it hit me that the baby was breech, and that she had been for quite some time. I realized that I never got kicked in the ribs, but was ALWAYS getting kicked in the bladder. I mean, I guess I had realized that before, but it was then that I put 2 and 2 together and realized she was actually breech. I had an appointment that next week, and had my doctor confirm that she was indeed breech. I felt very panicked, and he told me not to worry because she had plenty of time to turn still. I told him that I didn't think she would since she hadn't been turning around at all already. I remember with both Hannah and Sydney that they would be doing flips all over the place in there! I never knew what body part was where. This baby is ALWAYS in the same position....head directly under my rib cage on the right side, and feet always kicking downwards. My ribs feel so bruised because she never moves. I can only imagine how her poor little head feels.

Every two weeks since then my doctor re-confirms that she's still breech (not that I can't tell), and has told me not to worry and that she could still turn. At my appointment I had yesterday (my 34 week appointment), he walked in the room and asked if she had changed positions. I told him no. After feeling my belly to confirm her position, he asked if I knew what I would like to do. I had talked to him back in December about my options, which was to try to turn her at 37 weeks, and if that worked (it only does about 50% of the time....and over 10% of the time the baby goes into distress and then we would go into emergency c-section) then I could go on to have her naturally. Or, we could just wait and if she didn't turn on her own, then have a c-section. Anyway, I had no doubt in my mind that we would try to turn her at 37 weeks, but for some reason this last week I have been having a lot of second thoughts about doing that. I told myself that I would just wait and see what my doctor says about it. So, when he asked what I would like to do, I told him my concerns, and then asked him what his thought are...what he thinks I should do. He told me he used to do the versions a lot, but it seemed that so often there were the emergency c-sections, and sometimes the babies would have to be in the NICU because things went wrong or they just weren't ready to be born yet. He said that usually when a baby is breech and doesn't turn on its own, there's usually a reason for it, like the cord is too short or is around the neck, but that sometimes they just are in that position for no reason. He suggested that I don't do the version, and just wait and see what happens, but if I wanted to do it, then he would have no problem doing it.

So, with my doc's hesitancy and with my own hesitancy, I felt that the best decision would be to wait and see what happens. I still do not think she will turn, so I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for a c-section. I am absolutely 100% terrified of having one! When I start to think about it a lot, I feel like I'm going to panic. I don't know if I will be able to control those panic emotions when I'm actually in the situation. I'm very scared and hope so much that she turns. As much as I don't want a c-section, I do feel strongly that this is the best decision for the baby. I guess we'll wait and see what happens......